My Car, An Atheist

darwin fish

I didn’t know what the fish symbolised, until Ram explained me over the weekend. He glanced my car and asked if I was an atheist. Spontaneously I said NO [Note the point, your honor]. My car had an empty fish emblem like the picture above, stuck to its trunk. Until he told me about the Darwin fish, I had no clue except reading Darwin’s theory of evolution during high school. For starters [like me], Darwin Fish is a symbol of atheism and belief on the science of evolution that Darwin advocated. So having the Darwin Fish on the rear of your car means tom-toming the world that the driver is a believer of no-god philosophy.

It’s tough to write this post as it calls for self inquiry. Am I a believer of god or not? Answering in Nayagan Kamal’s tone, I should be saying, Theriliyepaa. Have read enough science like most of us – traveled around the mountain of Thiruvannamalai several times – agreed to the Bagath Singh argument on why he is an atheist – tasted Margazhi’s suda suda vaen pongal in perumal koil with the prabandams reverberating in the temple – read quite a bit of periyaar’s philosophies – argued about it with enough confused friends – carried the smallest idol of chandikeshwarar on my shoulders during urchavams – understood the essence of Bhagavath Gita – read enough Indian mythologies in Amar Chitra Katha – frantically followed Sujatha’s Kadavul Irukiraara series in Vin Nayagan and many more such ironies. The asynchronous mix of everything confuse me more than anything. Is god there or is it just a way to tame the animal inside ? I have searched/am searching many a place for a definitive answer. Both internal and external. The people whom I turned for answers never could answer me to my agreement. Neither could they make me fully believe/disbelieve god.

Am being a middle class here too. One among that middle class group which is neither able to believe or dis-believe god. A group that has read science but still changes the sacred thread every Aavini Aavittam. That’s where the pressure lies. Sometimes the intellectual geek in you suggests, enough dude!! life came from what Stephen Hawking defines as big bang and that theory is directly against the laws of Hinduism. At times, the poonal pops up and reminds, Ambi !! the creation and destruction of universe according to Hinduism is one day of Brahma’s life and we are just living when Brahman let out a breath of fresh air from his nose.

Whatsoever, I may not go ahead and tear out the Darwin fish from my car. Free speech.

I wrote this last night but didn’t hit the publish button. After shutting down my computer, I went to apply a blotch of vibuthi on my forehead and prayed, Nalam Tharum Sollai Kandukondain Narayana Enum Naamam, twelve times before I went to bed. Thinking whether god exists or not, I went into deep sleep.